How to write a friendly reminder

A friendly reminder – without being annoying
Time and again, we find ourselves having to remind someone of something: to pay the last invoice, to respond to the invitation to the symposium, or to send the information without which we cannot move forward with the project.

Most of the time, these situations feel awkward. After all, we don’t want to annoy anyone …

That’s why today we have a few tips for good, effective reminder emails that will help you maintain a relationship with your counterpart at the same time.

Try to make a reminder superfluous from the start
Of course, it would be best if you didn’t have to write a reminder at all. You can encourage this by

clearly stating from which person you expect what exactly. So don’t address your request to the whole team. Because that way, no one really feels responsible.
Explain why what you are requesting is important. Example: If your addressee understands that you definitely need an intern’s evaluation by Friday, because the intern’s passing the semester depends on it, she will probably give this task appropriate weight.
Make the benefit to your addressee clear. An example: for our in-house seminars, we request texts from the companies about four weeks before the seminar date so that we can really work on relevant tasks. This is exactly what we write in the query email: “In order for you to benefit as concretely as possible from our writing seminar, please send us an actual text (1 to 2 pages) from each:r participant by 20.03.2020.”
Make it as easy as possible for your counterpart to complete the requested task. For example, if you send a payment reminder, send the invoice again. Then your addressee doesn’t have to search for it.
With these four measures, you reduce the likelihood that you will have to remind your counterpart again – but sometimes it still happens, of course.

How to formulate your reminder – friendly but firm
Let’s take the example from above again: the request for texts for our writing seminars.

It happens again and again: One or two days after the deadline, we realize: Hm, the texts are not there yet. So we remind our customers. It then reads like this:

Subject: Friendly reminder: our request for current sample texts from participants for the writing seminar by 20.03.2020.

Good day, Ms. Example,

our writing seminar will take place in just under four weeks and I am approaching you again to ask: Have you already had the opportunity to query the texts from the participants?

As I mentioned earlier, it is the work on the participants’ own texts that makes the seminar so effective for them. In order to prepare this thoroughly, we need some advance notice.

If there are only a few texts missing, please send me a first batch so that I can review them.

Otherwise, I look forward to receiving the texts by tomorrow evening.

Thank you very much for your effort!

Best regards
Franziska Nauck

Tip 1: Call it “Friendly Reminder” in the subject line.
This way you send an important signal right away and your counterpart feels less pressured or “caught” and embarrassed.

Tip 2: Do NOT accuse. Choose I messages instead of you messages.
I wrote:

“I look forward to receiving the texts by tomorrow night.” (I message)

I could have also written:

“You haven’t sent me the texts yet.” That would be the you message.

The You message is accusation and speculation in one. On the one hand, you are directly pointing out what you missed, and on the other hand, you can’t be sure that the person really didn’t send the texts. If they did – and the message didn’t arrive for technical reasons – you damage the relationship by this accusation.

With the I-message, on the other hand, you stick only to what you yourself perceive. The interesting thing is that the I-message is a fact, because I actually look forward to the texts, because I want to deliver a good seminar, after all.

Other examples:

You message: you have not yet fulfilled my request to review the application.

I message: I will be very happy if you review the application by tomorrow.

You message: you have not yet answered my meeting request.

Me message: I would like to meet with you as soon as possible.

It’s amazing how different the versions sound in each case, isn’t it?

With the “I” message, you leave it open whether your counterpart is responsible for any omission at all – and don’t push her:him into a defensive posture. After all, you want to maintain the relationship and continue to work well together.

Tip 3: Name the (positive) consequences to show how important the action is.
In the example, I name the positive consequences to motivate my counterpart:

It is the work on their own texts that makes the seminar so effective for the participants. To be able to prepare this thoroughly, we need some advance preparation.

I could also name the negative consequences. That would then sound more like a threat:

If you don’t send me the texts in time, I won’t be able to prepare the seminar accurately and the participants won’t get much out of it.

Therefore, always formulate the positive consequences.

Write to us: What experiences do you have with reminders in your everyday life?

Especially during this time, some things are certainly left undone and priorities shift. Nevertheless, life and work go on. All the better if you have the tools to follow up in a friendly manner.